Confession: I forgot to wear a bra
After Scott and I got married, we moved to Rexburg and got jobs on campus. This was my first "real" job. I'd worked before, but I'd never had to interview and sell myself to a panel of potential co-workers. I'd left my interview feeling really impressed with myself. I'd dominated that interview. My panel was basically selling themselves to ME by the end of it, that's how good I felt about it.
My first day on the job was great right up until the point that I walked into my supervisor's office and pulled a chair up to her desk and sat down. That's when I freaked out inside because I realized I'd forgotten to wear a bra. True story.
I'm sharing this information because I learned two things from My First Real Job.
Number one: I'm a great employee! I bring a contageous energy to the office and I benefit from that energy. I love being around people and developing relationships established on wit and sarcasm. I crave the validation of being told I've done a great job. The fact is, I don't hear "Wow Mom! The toilet looks beautiful! You did such an amazing job cleaning it! I can't wait to sit on that shiny throne of porcelain! Thank you SO MUCH!" very often. To be fair, my husband always compliments my work around the house and I always appreciate him for noticing. It's just nice to feel like I'm doing something important and noticable in a different way. I'm trying to be delicate in the way I say that; I really feel like nothing is more important than the work I do as a mother. With my kids both in school all day, sometimes I just need a change of pace. Besides, they're not even here to (not) notice and (not) appreciate all the work I'm doing at home.
Number two: I cannot multi-task. I can't even complete ONE task while THINKING about another task, let alone accomplish both simulaneously. I can accomplish portions of tasks, but I can't think all the way through completion. As my first day at My First Real Job proved, I can't even get completely dressed while thinking about everything I need to do before going to work. One day after work last week, I needed to get the hard water off my shower walls, do some laundry, and make cookies to leave on people's doorsteps for Halloween (curse the person who started that decades ago, unless you're the person who left the treats on my doorstep, then thank you so much! I LOVE TREATS!). By the end of the day I had one shower wall washed, cookie dough but not cookies, and wet laundry in the washer. I did, however, teach piano for three hours, so in my mind I see myself completing those things had I had the time. I see myself completing things in my mind a lot.
I love my kids and my husband. We make a great family. They put up with me every day. I'm not a great mother and wife when it comes to the cooking and cleaning (or not), and I've learned to not appraise my worth as a mother on those things. I don't enjoy cooking. In fact, I pretty much hate it for various, legitimate reasons. I do love a clean house, but when it gets messy I tell myself the mess will still be there tomorrow, but I'll never get today back with my kids. I have to admit, I am selfish. Aren't we all in our own little ways? (Please say yes.) I hear so many women say they have their "thing." Just their one "thing" they have to have in order to stay sane. I have a bunch of "things." So I appreciate my family letting me explore all my ambitions and passions. I occasionally get off balance and my family gets neglected, but I try to get back on track by letting my "things" become my rewards for my household work. Also, Extreme Moose Tracks ice cream is a great reward.
I'm starting this blog because words keep me up at night. As soon as I lie down, words flow through my head like blood through my veins. I sing songs, write poetry, and construct clever conversations. A couple of weeks ago my boss approved to pay me more than double my hourly wage for my proofreading and writing. On the same day, my published piano teacher told me I was good enough to create and submit a winning song arrangement for the church music competition. That day I felt like I was handed an empty canvas as large and unending as the sky waiting for me to gush with creativity.
